Mothers and Sons: Feminism, Masculinity, and the Struggle to Raise Our Sons

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  1. NewStatesman
  2. Give him role models
  3. Warm Up: ‘Good’ Men vs. ‘Real’ Men
  4. Raising a Feminist Son - Youth First

FromOedipusto Al Brooks'Mother, we are fascinated by the familial bond between a mother and her son. This groundbreaking work looks at many untouched areas of the mother-son relationship including race, sexuality and ability. The contributors to this collection speak from the heart and explore how the institution of motherhood oppresses women, impedes mother-son identification and fosters sexism. The impact of the feminist movement on the mother-son relationship, which has been previously neglected in literature, is explored in-depth inMothers and Sons.

  • Essential Simulation in Clinical Education.
  • A feminist's guide to raising boys;
  • Near-Field Optics: Theory, Instrumentation, and Applications.
  • The Age of Consent.
  • Wong Kar-wais Ashes of Time.

These deeply personal reflections includes stories of lesbian mothers identifying challenges in raising sons in our heterosexist culture as well as black mothers and sons and Jewish mothers. For all with an interest in family issues, gender issues, or a new perspective on mothering, this book is a must read. Paoletti Indiana University Press, This is a terrific post. Your thoughtfulness and insight always pushes my thinking. I have one challenge for you to consider, in the segment about questioning authority. Yes, what you says is absolutely true.

But for many African American and Latino boys their lives may depend on submission to the police or the principal or some other powerful authority. What is critical is teaching children how to respond, and who they can go to for help.

  • Self-Employment: From Dream to Reality!: An Interactive Workbook for Starting Your Small Business, 2nd Edition.
  • Analysis and design methods.
  • Pseudomonas Infection and Alginates: Biochemistry, genetics and pathology.
  • Kristian Birkeland: The First Space Scientist (Astrophysics and Space Science Library).
  • Mothers and Sons.
  • Project MUSE - Toni Morrison and Motherhood.
  • Mothers & Sons Feminism, Masculinity, and the Struggle to Raise Our Sons.

It is essential to know their family has their back, and that if they have to pretend to be polite and go-along — so be it. Come home alive, and then let your family protect and champion you. We discuss this sometimes when referencing tokenism.


While this particular article, by necessity, has to be short and directed to one tiny aspect of rape culture, we have another that focuses on victims, and how we as parents and adults need to create a safe environment so they have the ability to say no, to retreat, and to find a safe space. Working with children has always been a natural gift and passion of mine. As an educator and hopefully future mother, I wonder how are you teaching young children to follow directions if not by obeying certain people? I present rules and expectations with consequences that are as logical as I can make them for individual situations with consistent discipline protocol and positive behavior reinforcement across the classroom.

After a month, he consistently climbed the stairs safely. Or write our names in this corner? I decide the location of the homework basket. I appreciate the spiritual component is not a consideration for every family! I know this is a very long comment that incorporates values that may differ from yours. On a practical, daily level, how does this work in your family and home? Thank you! I understand more how your other items apply. Not in the daily ways some women encounter but in brutal instances that will forever leave certain scenes, names, dates, images imprinted in my brain.

They will never get it. No time for me was consent even a question. This change must be our generation radically impacting the next! Re: funding public education, giving teachers more flexibility and power to follow unique curriculum, and such. The act of making kids go and re-do the stairs, without further details, invokes in me a sense of shame and public embarrassment, and I have to admit I would actively hate someone who did that to me. Maybe you did it in a fun way, but just from my first read, it makes me uncomfortable.

Give him role models

There are many ways to adjust this behavior without that risk of shame. I agree with you that counting and giving too much latitude makes life harder on both adults and kids. I tell them. In which case, I argue that instead of forcibly grabbing them, screaming at them, or shaming them, I just…let them fall down. Parents, with the luxury of time, can count on natural consequences eventually playing out. Mom is right. We should listen to her next time. Building that trust is really hard. But I trust there is a way to raise our kids to do it. And it probably involves a lot of what we do at home — which is, as a parent, explaining to my kids that their teachers are smart, professional, and educated, and unless their teachers ask them to do something dangerous or harmful, they should listen to them.

So the crappy answer is — you kinda have to rely on parents to be on the same page on this. Which kinda sucks and makes your job harder. The tone of this is a little condescending, and therefore ironic, but okay. Thanks, Toni. I appreciate the help. I orchestrate book research, web maintenance, hand-holding, writing daily posts, and a whole mess of work in providing this resource to parents and educators for free. By myself. I appreciate the book references to try. Thank you.

He loves to hug…. When it comes to Autism, it is never an excuse and more of something some kids struggle and parents struggle with daily in how to interact. That is something I wish more people would understand. I am an autistic woman. I am expected to keep my hands on my own body. The same is not expected from my masculine counterparts.

But no — when white autistic dudes stalk, harass, or harm femmes, his autism is used as an excuse, not the toxic way he was raised to use his disability as a diversion.

Warm Up: ‘Good’ Men vs. ‘Real’ Men

Autism is not something kids struggle with. Living in a world that is hostile and that misunderstands and stigmatizes autistic behavior is what we struggle with. Social norms is what we struggle with. Judgement from others is what we struggle with. On the parent side — raising a kid who they think differently from is what they struggle with. Dismantling their own ableism is what they struggle with. Similar to the way my Asian features, short stature, and odd bra size are not a challenge I struggle with — living in a world that values thin, tall, whiteness is what creates the challenge.

There is nothing inherently wrong or challenging about being Asian, nor anything wrong or challenging with being autistic. I invite you to do some reading on the social model of disability, and our disability rights work in other posts, such as this one:. Thank you so much for this list! I am the mom to a seven year old boy and the pervasiveness of toxic masculinity scares the crap out of me.

Raising a Feminist Son - Youth First

I have one minor quibble with your list. While there is a lot I like about the Ladybug Girl books, I have some critiques about the portrayal of gender roles:. Celeste, you bring up excellent points. I wrote and compiled this book list a loooong time ago, and it was before I spent a year researching more books that pass the Uhura test.

I settled for Ladybug girl, despite the gendered implications, because that was the most accessible series at the time. I think this framing is a little tricky— sexual assault can experienced by any person and […]. For anyone who would enjoy following our larger body of work, this is the lone exception that focuses on toxic masculinity and places the burden of education on parents of boys.

Also all over these comments. Thank you, Nicole. Noticed this too. But the attack-y devices and the lack of consequences or follow-up on actively hurting someone was a total missed opportunity. In , frustrated by the messages in books advertised for child abuse prevention, I wrote my own. Lexx James. New articles by this author. New citations to this author. New articles related to this author's research.

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